Epic Fail?

I know it's been a while. . . and there are all sorts of fun things I need to post (I will. And soon.) But first, I will go ahead and share a few things that happened recently and let you pick which one wins the title of Epic Fail.

LG Customer Service: What problem are you experiencing with your washing machine?
Me: It is leaking water onto the floor.
LG Customer Service: Have you checked all of the hoses to see if they are wet or leaking?
Me: Yes, I think it's coming out of the bottom by the pump filter. If I turn the filter to the left, water comes out.
LG Customer Service: Have you opened the drain hose?
Me: What's that?
LG Customer Service: When is the last time you've drained the hose and cleaned the pump filter?
Me: Ummm. I'm not sure what you're talking about.
LG Customer Service: See that black tube? It's the drain hose. You need to pull the top off and let it drain out. You are supposed to be doing that and cleaning out the filter every month.
Me: Okay, I just pulled the top off of the hose. Only five or six drops of water came out, but it's really dirty.
LG Customer Service: Yeah, that's because you have something clogging up the filter. And that's why the water is leaking. How long have you had your washing machine?

I never told her the answer to that question. We have had our washing machine for exactly 47 months. Which means that I have failed to clean the filter exactly 47 times.

I drained out two quarts of water and found one popcorn kernel, one penny, two bobby pins, four plastic tags. And a pile of gunk.

Did anyone else know you were supposed to clean the pump filter out every month???

. . . . . . . . . .

We had another great neighborhood dinner on Sunday evening. I finally had the chance to meet one of my neighbors who lives on the next block, but rarely comes to neighborhood activities.

Me: So you are a doctor?
Her: No, I'm just a nurse practitioner.
Me: And you work in Salt Lake?
Her: Yes, I specialize in cardiology, so I work at a hospital called Intermountain Medical.
Me: Oh, I had surgery there this year.
Her: I'm sorry. I hope you're okay?
Me: Yes, I had a celiac artery bypass, but I'm doing really well now.
Her: Oh, wow, who was your surgeon.
Me: Dr. Steppacher and Dr. Galt.
Her: I don't know Dr. Steppacher, but Dr. Galt is a well-respected surgeon. I'm glad you were able to have your surgery down there because they are so much better equipped to handle a surgery like that.
Me: My doctor actually wanted to perform the surgery at McKay-Dee Hospital. He told me he only needed good surgeons for five hours, but that I would need good nurses for five days and the nurses are better at McKay-Dee.

What??? Why would I even say that? To a NURSE from the other hospital??? The most embarrassing part is that it didn't even occur to me that I had said something so dumb until later that night. I texted her an apology and she told me not to worry, she wasn't offended. And that she was known to appreciate brutal honesty.

Sometimes I wish I had a better filter on my mouth. I taught a Relief Society class on Basic (Very Basic) Photography Tips tonight and wonder what offensive things I'll later realize I said to the group.

. . . . . . . .

Chris and Paige, our new next door neighbors, bought the old Methodist church in June. Soon after moving in, Paige went to study at a university in Argentina, leaving Chris to fend for himself. I assured her we would keep an eye on him. . . and feed him every once in a while.

But then life happened.

I didn't think he was interested in fielding dinner invitations from a woman with four little kids. Oh yeah, and sometimes I don't really make dinner. So we brought him brownies. ONCE. It was kind of late at night. As in, we woke him up. He told me it was okay- it was worth getting up for brownies. (It wasn't that late. . . maybe 10:00 pm late.) I'm pretty sure he even texted me and told me how good they were. Last night it suddenly hit me. He's VEGAN. (And I clearly wasn't baking with vegan egg and butter substitutes. . . )

. . . . . . . . . .

Remember my goal for the new school year to wake up at 6:30 am every morning? Well, I'm two for twelve. That's less than seventeen percent.

And then I wrote on my blog and asked at what age I could start sending my kids to go to bed by themselves. . . and most people who left comments said that it was their favorite part of the day.

And then I checked my gmail account (for the first time in a couple of weeks) and found this message:


For the record, I know that I'm not the worst parent unfairtrout has ever seen. (Mostly because I'm confident that unfairtrout has ever actually seen me. . . ha ha.) And for the record, I've determined that my husband's work schedule is partly to blame for my aversion to putting my kids to bed. I am absolutely exhausted by bedtime. So I really ought to put them to bed earlier. Much, much earlier. (Thanks for the great responses to my question- they did give me hope!)

But I had to tell Rachel to quit talking to me so I could type my handout for the Relief Society activity. . . and it seems like I find myself telling her that fairly regularly these days. And I caught myself saying "yes" to things Adam was asking me that I wasn't actually processing, so I have no idea what I've committed myself to. . . I think my parenting could use some work.

But pretty soon, these will all probably be funny stories I can laugh about. Like how a piece of my clothing was stuck to Steve's shirt that went to the dry cleaner. Yep. . . that piece of clothing. . . .


Kayli said...

Hilarious. I also hate putting my kids to bed. It always makes me feel bad when other people say they love their snuggling/talking bedtime. I'm done with kids by that time and after I've forced them to brush teeth, pick up clothes, etc. I just want them to go into their beds and not see them again until morning.
And, yes, I'm a stranger, but I have loved reading your blog.

Kayli said...

To clarify, I'm not a complete stranger--my husband is Brett Bell from Vernal, Blake Bell's brother. Anyway, I found your blog in a roundabout way, but there is a [slight] connection. :)

I'm curious whether your husband served a mission in South Africa or something, was there a reason you guys wanted to go there?

Mommy Named Meg said...

I can't believe unfairout. Emily you're a great Mom... So good I'm jealous.

HeidiAnn said...

Hilarious Post Emily! You made me laugh out loud. Who is the jerk trout person. I wrote you about my kids bedtime routine. I didn't tell you this. I demand my kids go put themselves to bed becuase I am usually at wit's end and I always give fair warning to my kids that the witch comes out at 9 p.m.. You must not be mean enough becuase my kids are totally scared of me after 9:00 p.m. Have a good week and thanks for the laugh. I am also having some "winning motherhood moments" as of lately, see my blog.

Kristin said...

Dear Emily :) I haven't been on blogger forever. But I just read your blog post. I think you are a good mom and I think that you are a good caring person. I remember when I was scared of all you stay at home moms on the street and you were the one that was always so nice to me. We do the best we can and that has to be good enough. Don't think about the fact that you said that about nurses but that you were awesome and invited them to dinner. Hope you have a better week!

Jenny said...

I also hate bedtime. In fact Wade and I had a shouting match over it last night in front of the kids.

I am hoping this inspires them to go to bed better.

At least I wasn't screaming at them. Oh wait, I did that two minutes later.

Rebecca said...

That picture made me start laughing out loud right here in McDonalds! You are a GREAT mom. I had no idea about the washing machine hose thing. I have an LG too so I'd better figure that out since I have had mine for a year now. Oh, and I do NOT like putting my kids to bed. I LOVE it when they are asleep and I can go look at them, but getting them there is not fun. Last night I decided I was too tired to put them to bed so I didn't...Talmage fell asleep on the couch and I did finally put Sydney to bed at 11. I have seriously considered getting a babysitter to come over every night for an hour to put them to bed.

Joanie said...

I want to know what video that guy was watching that made him say that. Lol. What a tool.

Nobody loves bedtime. Sure, the cuddling and reading books is nice. That is, if your kids are actually sitting still and listening instead of bouncing off the walls and interrupting all the time. The miserable part is the fight to get them to put pajamas on and brush teeth when everyone is tired. It's not fun and I try to be gone at bedtime as often as possible so my husband can take care of it. You don't have that option though. I assume it gets easier eventually??

congercrew said...

I don't know who unfairtrout is, but you are one of the best moms I know. And I hate putting my kids to bed too. Mostly because it doesn't matter what I do, I'll spend the next 1-2 hours putting them back in bed.

And I had no idea that you are supposed to clean the filter on your washing machine. Is it like under the washer? Behind it? I have no idea where to even start with doing something like that. I've only had my washer for like 8 months, but the one before that I bought at the DI and it lasted me 6 years, and I never once checked the filter.

raburkhardt said...
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raburkhardt said...
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emily ballard said...

This YouTube video shows how to check the drain pump filter of your LG washing machine:


I'm not sure if other brands of front loading washing machine recommend this regular maintenance? I guess it's good that the pump filter is easily accessible on LG machines so you don't have to take apart the entire machine to remove things that will inevitably get caught in any machine.

After I cleaned out our filter, our washing machine leaked all over the floor again. The drain hose was completely blocked off with about eight inches of sandy sediment stuff! I used a hanger to get it all out and it's working just fine again :)

Panic Attack said...

It's hard to decide which fail is the most epic of them all. Hilarious, every single one of the stories. Thanks for the laughs!